Big Decisions

Life has been INSANE lately! I don't even know where to begin. It's already been over a week since my last post and it doesn't even feel like a few hours. Over the last few days, I have had to make some pretty big decisions regarding my career, and my role as a mother.

With Mike switching stations at his work and a looming possibility of his entire schedule changing, it has become clear that child care would become too expensive for us to handle. We have been so blessed to have had reasonably inexpensive child care up until now, but with a schedule change, little Clara would have to be at the sitter almost every day. Mike and I would never get to see each other. At my own job, its almost the end of the current quarter, meaning I would also be facing a schedule change. Can you see how messy this is getting?

Within the last few days, I have been given to opportunity to work from home more often. There was plenty of work to be done and with recent incidents of having to scramble for last minute child care, it was time for me to really sit down and think about this. Am I ready to give up my 40+ guaranteed hours a week in EMS to work from home more? This would mean getting to spend more time with my daughter, keeping the house clean, cooking more often, spending more time with my feathered babies, and seeing my husband A LOT more often! Now here's the kicker, the overall hourly pay is a good $2.00 less than what I am currently making, but when I factor in all of the ways I would be saving money; spending less on gas for my car, not eating out at much, NO $$$ ON CHILD CARE! Plus little things I'm already doing, like using cloth diapers. It really will even out in the end. It's all about sticking to a budget.

When my husband and I came to the conclusion this will be the best thing for our family, it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders! No longer will I have to worry about things like scrambling at the last minute for someone to watch Clara if something comes up with her current sitter (I totally get it, life happens and you never see it coming). I am so excited to be able to spend the majority of my week with my baby, even if she's just playing with her toys on the floor next to me while I work. I can finally get her on a real feeding and nap schedule! Its the little things, haha!

I also decided I wasn't going to completely leave EMS (I don't think I could ever really do that, I love it too much), my boss at Penfield and I discussed my working one 16 hour shift a week. This would allow me to still keep my skills up, as well as have some adult time. I will be working these shifts on one of Mike's days off, this way we will still have money on child care.

I am so excited to be moving forward with this decision in just under a month! As of October 1^st, I will go back to being per diem at Penfield Ambulance and begin my journey as a full-time mama! 

“Motherhood is a choice you make everyday, to put someone else's happiness and well-being ahead of your own, to teach the hard lessons, to do the right thing even when you're not sure what the right thing is...and to forgive yourself, over and over again, for doing everything wrong.” - Donna Ball

Something about this quote has given me so much peace, it completely defines what it means to be a mother <3

-The Upstate Blonde